Never ending dissapointments

where to begin? where to end? our story took us near the freeway today in only one town where we could afford a decent home to raise our kids. 1400 sq feet less than we were expecting. the list in my head of all the things i will have to sell/get rid of is making me nauseous--well, I've been nauseous over this all for so long. so many ideas/dreams/plans just keep getting shattered. the idea of being stuck where we didn't want to be forever because I can't go through this again is filling me with some looming thoughts. and to think maybe there are weeks and months ahead to start the loan process all over again. 3 bedrooms and no room to grow doesn't sound enticing to have more kids--i did want more. after all that we've endured there still are no apparent blessings---even though somehow this probably is a blessing. I'm just ready for some not in disguise.